Since my last post I started working as a cashier at Best Buy. I made lot's of money then I quit in the beginning of January because I was "bored". I got my first meeting with the principal at my high school and he gave me a warning...or threat, whichever you prefer. 

 

          When my dad came home, I went to west Ed with him, my cousin and my stepmom. My step mom knew about my poor school work and attendance so she made comments which debased my mom for not "getting her lazy ass out of bed to get me to school"    I was mad! No, I was resentful. No one debases my mom....especially some loser dope addict step mom whom Ive barely known. Man, it made me a little upset because my actions were making my mom look bad.

                

                    That night I knew I couldnt go back to school, and I couldnt just stay home. I needed to be taken seriously. I ran away from home....well cabbed away from home. 60 dollars later, and 30 kilometres out of town I made a bed from a haybale in some bushes in the country and read for a little while. Then...this is funny. I openned a can of tuna (that I happened to have with me), and it tasted weird. Ive never tasted Tuna like that. So I threw it. I  openned another can (it wasnt easy to open with scissors) and said to myself, 'if this one is nasty, then its a sign from god that I go home'. It tasted nasty too, so I cowardly got up and walked to my Grandparents farm which only happened to be 15 minutes away.

 

                  Later on, my grandma phoned my Dad to come get me. He wasnt mad or anything. When he dropped me off at my house, my mom was pretty upset. She had read a letter I had left for her, which happened to mention what my Stepmom said about my mom. My mom yelled at my dad, calling his wife a bitch, etc. It was kind of funny. My stubbord Ox of a Dad's brain didnt input anything at all that night. Whatever.

 

                So, I dropped out of school. Bye, bye St.joes! My mom made me register for a drop out program/school called Fresh Start Outreach. Its right in the mall and close to where I live. They told me that I could start in the second semester, but I had like two weeks off till then. They phoned later and told me  I had to attend 9:30-3:30 everyday for just that week, then only 12 hours a week for the rest of the year.If you miss one day in that first week, your automatically booted.  Right as Monday rolled around, I got ready to go on my first day....but just my luck, I slept in. My mom was really pissed when she came to my room and I was still sleeping. She yelled and yelled....calling me all the worst things you can call someone, while I got ready. She phoned a cab, yet all I was thinking was, "fuck you, you stupid cunt. Im lazy? Im retarded? Im an idiot? Im a loser? Well then I aint going to some fucking stupid school for you." I got in the cab when it arrived and told him to drop me off a few minutes later at the bus terminal. I just got on some buses and wasted the whole day. I even wrote a proclaimation type letter of how much I hated myself and wanted to just die. I titled it "dear Jesus".

 

           When I got home later on, my mom absolutely flipped. She phoned my school and begged them to give me another chance as I crossed my fingers hoping they wouldnt.  They did. I cried, begging my mom not to make me go. I gave her the letter. She read it, then put it down like she just read some unfunny cartoon. Absolutely no comments. She just doesnt care I guess.

 

           So, I went, like any good girl. I went the rest of the week, no days missed. The next week I made up for the missed day and went my 12 hours. Another week, another 12 hours....good job. I finshed Learning Strategies for 5 credits, religion for 3 credits, and got started on science 24, and even lost 4 pounds (woohoo!) Guess what I did the next week? Never went even one bloody hour. My Advisor started calling on thursday leaving messages. One conclusion: I suck monkey balls